A few weeks prior to the 2024 U.S. presidential election, I found myself at a concert venue scream-singing "I’m so f*cking horny" alongside 15,000 fellow Sabrina Carpenter fans, most of whom fell solidly within the 12-18 age bracket. Amid a sea of feather boas, rhinestones, and every shade of pink on the color wheel, I was most charmed to see little girls in their adorable homemade outfits, excitedly walking hand-in-hand with their dads or moms or cool aunts, a joyful 90-minute celebration of femininity and fun.
Of course, Carpenter’s meteoric rise from teen Disney star to pop music phenom has been a decade in the making, but it’s her playful aesthetic and tongue-in-cheek lyrics that have catapulted her to the top of the charts this year. Naturally, plenty of people aren’t cool with young pop stars asserting their sexuality, expressing concern about the strong influence she has over her largely tween and teen fanbase.
It’s a pop culture tale as old as time. From Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera inciting unprovoked rage from parents and pundits alike for daring to sing about sex and show their midriffs to Miley Cyrus and Vanessa Hudgens being slut-shamed for their post-Disney public image, women can’t win if they so much as hint at their sexuality. Given who is about to step into our country’s highest position of power for a second time, the irony is maddening.
Over the span of decades, much has been made over the link between music and mass violence — particularly school shootings — as well as the misogynoir tossed by right-wing talking heads when Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion release sexually explicit songs and/or music videos, but is a pop star writhing onstage actually impacting kids in any concrete, measurable way?
"In studies of pop songs that contain sexual language and imagery, we find a major influence on attitudes and behaviors among tweens and teens," explains Dr. Sanam Hafeez, a New York City-based neuropsychologist and director of Comprehend the Mind. "Music exposure correlated with more open attitudes to casual sex and earlier sex," along with behaviors like sexting and, well, sexual activity itself. But other studies note that peers and friends have more of an influence than pop stars when it comes to beliefs and behaviors around sex.
“Suggestive pop songs can be deeply affecting, but they can be so due to social and psychological forces.”
So, what gives? "Exposure to something over and over again does create familiarity and normalization," says Reena B. Patel, BCBA, board-certified behavioral analyst and positive psychologist. "Kids are constantly learning and soaking in all new experiences and things as they grow and develop, so what they are exposed to and taught becomes their idea of normal."
But before you delete your kid’s Spotify account altogether, both experts believe instead in using your child’s pop culture interests as a jumping-off point for candid, sex-positive conversations. Yep, even when you cringe inside hearing your tween singing "God bless your dad’s genetics" in their bedroom.
"It’s important to have a foundation of being able to talk about what kids are seeing and being exposed to so that kids value your opinion, hear what you are saying, and can determine beliefs and behaviors from there," says Patel, who notes that it goes both ways — you want your child to feel comfortable coming to you, so it’s your job to provide that safe, judgment-free zone 100% of the time, no matter the subject matter.
And, truth be told, suggestive lyrics from any pop star du jour are merely a piece of a larger parenting pie, which means it’s essential to chat early and often with your kids about these topics. "Parents should have honest conversations about the media their kids see, and encourage critical thinking about sexuality, relationships, boundaries, self-esteem, and body image," says Hafeez. "Talking about it can be vital to them understanding and processing what they are seeing," adds Patel.
Trust and open communication form the cornerstone of any strong bond, especially in the formative tween and teen years, says Patel, paving the way for a child to feel supported and empowered. "You can talk about each other’s interests, support them, empower them, and teach at the same time," she says. "Remember, oftentimes music and pop culture interests are something kids really feel passionate about and identify with, so it may be a topic that is really important to them."
Adds Hafeez: "Promoting art and music encourages self-expression. Parents can guide kids towards constructive themes by talking about concepts rather than scolding them."
Threatening or punishing them for the media they consume will only serve to create an environment of shame and stigma, which might only drive them to engage in more risky behaviors than singing along to their favorite songs. "Parents should not ignore their children’s interests or denigrate their favorite artists, as that will only create distance," says Hafeez. "Negative parental comments can shut down communication. Parents should not force their values upon their children without explanation" — instead aiming for understanding their interests should be the goal.
I’m 35, and I can still remember the utterly violent and misogynistic comments my own dad made about Spears, someone I had loved and looked up to (and still do!) from the moment I first heard “…Baby One More Time.”
One good thing about the dissolution of monoculture is that so often, these loud, angry criticisms of a confident, unapologetic pop queen exist solely in the silos of their own curated internet echo chambers. Instead of these puritanical ideas being splashed all over the evening news and in mainstream outlets, your tween is now safe to sing along to Sabrina Carpenter with the possibility of never knowing how much misogyny is being lobbed her way by basement-dwelling incels online.
And 2024 has been an incredible year for women in pop: Beyoncé, Megan, Chappell Roan, Ariana Grande, Billie Eilish, Olivia Rodrigo, Charli XCX, Taylor Swift, Dua Lipa, and yes, Sabrina have dominated charts and stadiums alike, bringing girls and women of all ages together. As Carpenter addressed the crowd at her first concert post-election, she told the audience, “I hope we can be a moment of peace for you, a moment of safety. … To the women in here, I love you so so so so so much.”
When my husband texted me to ask how Carpenter’s show was, I responded immediately: “It was amazing. I cried. Sabrina is for the girls.” There’s nothing quite like the joy, comfort, and freedom of finding music that makes you feel deeply or escape for just a little while. It’s what every kid — heck, every everyone — deserves, especially now.
Disclaimer: This story has not been edited by us and is published as shown on Scary Mommy.
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